FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions - an interview with Rabbi Brian

Question:     Was your family happy that you became a rabbi?
Answer:    To be honest, when I told them that I wasn't going to go into architecture and instead was planning on applying to and attending rabbinical school, my father said, "What kind of job is that for a nice Jewish boy?"

Question:     Is your family religious?
Answer:    I grew up in a "typical" Upper West Side of Manhattan Jewish family. That meant that I went to Sunday school on Sundays, we didn't have something else planned, and we went to services 4 or so times a year. Of course, Passover was important and celebrated in the home. And, while we didn't eat pork-chops, prosciutto was fine.

Question:     Have you always had a clear understanding of God?
Answer:    Ha! Growing up I heard and believed that religion and God were the opiate of the masses. I often thought of God as the relative that you invited to family functions but don't really like. In rabbinical school, I was the class heretic. I went to rabbinical school to prove that there wasn't a God. I was such a good heretic that the classes a year below and above me elected me to be their official class heretic as well! I've written God a "Dear John" letter to officially break off our relationship; I felt I was the only one actively working on our relationship…and I even wrote at the end, “This letter in no way should construe that I believe in you, which by no means do I do.” I taught a class when I was ordained as a rabbi entitled, "God is dead and I don't feel too good myself." And, I led a seminar entitled "God Anon." …clear understanding of God? While I'm not as angry as I once was, God and I have gone to proverbial couples counseling and our relationship is doing much better.

Question:     So, why did you apply to rabbinical school?
Answer:    It was a very clever gamble. I figured that I would once and for all get an answer to the question of whether or not there is a God. If I found out there wasn't, I could drop out of school and then go into architecture with a clear mind. If there was, I figured I'd wind up on God's team with a title.

Question:     What happened?
Answer:    I was an early draft pick out of rabbinical school…a mainstream congregation in Los Angeles asked me to start working for them when I was still in year four of the five-year Masters degree program. So, I got ordained and worked there for a number of years…but then I realized that if there were a God, God probably wouldn't discriminate based on religious affiliation, and I didn't want to either.

Question:     Is that why you left organized religion?
Answer:    Partly. There is an inherent problem with many congregationally affiliated clergy folks. For the most part, they advocate—as I did when I at worked at a mainstream congregation—that you follow the path that they follow, which, not coincidently, is the one that pays their salary. What I've come to realize is that one-size fits all approaches to the holy aren't as effective as those that people find and personalize for themselves. That's why I now advocate personalized religion.

Question:     What is personalized religion?
Answer:    Let's assume that you feel the most at peace with the world when you hike. Well, then, I would think that you should make certain to hike regularly. That's personalized religion. Personalized religion is figuring out for yourself the goals of the your religious life—like feeling at one, surrendering to life as it is, dining as opposed to just eating—and then figuring out paths or ways to make certain that you do that. Organized religion—and there is nothing inherently wrong with organized religion—is just a pre-packaged set of religious goals and paths. Personalized religion is a tailored-to-you set.

Question:     How did you come up with the idea of an "Internet-based congregation"?
Answer:    When I worked for a mainstream congregation, I started to e-mail people my thoughts about what I thought religion ought to really be about, like: "What questions do you think God might ask of people after they die?" I found that people enjoyed thinking about these types of questions. After a little while, people told their friends about this "outside-the-box" rabbi and their friends e-mailed me and I e-mailed them. My "religion-outside-the-box" e-mail list grew to about 100 people.  And, it kept growing. When I left mainstream religion, these e-mails became the basis of my online, Internet-based congregation, aptly named: Religion-Outside-The-Box. Within 6 years, I was e-mailing to over 1,000 people, added a podcast, and some online classes. And, let's face it, we live in a world in which I can order books and shop for a car on the Internet…many people spend a good portion of their lives on their computers in this virtual world—that these people would have spiritual-religious needs would is natural.

Question:     How does an Internet-based congregation work?
Answer:    People go to rotb.org and that's about it. On the web site, they can listen to and download podcasts (or if they use iTunes subscribe to it). They can sign-up for online classes. And, if they sign up to receive the 77% Weekly—the ROTB newsletter—they'll receive a spiritual-but-not-religious sermonette in their inbox 40 out of 52 weeks a year. It's pretty simple—guilt, dogma, and fee free.

Question:     How do your mainstream colleagues react to what you are doing?
Answer:    With joy and appreciation. They know what they are offering doesn't work for everyone…and, I know a lot of them have incorporated my outside-the-box ideas for use in their more traditional houses of worship.

Question:     There is a lot of controversy about religion. What do you think it is?
Answer:    Religion, as I see it, ought not shackle or limit people in their coming to an understanding of reality and the Divine, it should set them free. Religion ought not be about setting people apart from, but rather help them feel that they are a part of. And, religion ought be about connecting people to (the) God (of their understanding).

Question:     What do you mean by this phrase "(the) God (of their understanding)"?
Answer:    What I understand by God changes—neither my theology nor my faith are constants. So, if my understanding of God changes, I can be certain that it is going to be the same as yours. The phrase "(the) God (of their understanding)" gives people the dignity to find and be with their own understanding of God.

Question:     What do you know for certain about God?
Answer:    Funny you should ask that! That's one of the questions that I ask people to consider for themselves in helping them come up with a real, present relationship with (the) God (of their understanding). Here are three things I know for certain: God is simple. God isn't simple. And, I'm not God.

Question:     How else do you help people find and be with "(the) God (of their understanding)"?
Answer:    A lot of it is unlearning. The assumptions and baggage that people have with regard to religion, the Bible, and God need to get unpacked, looked at, and re-evaluated. And, some spiritual-religious exercises.

Question:     Can you give an example of a religious-exercise that pertains to God?
Answer:    If I asked you to travel back in time to half your current age and give yourself some advice, what would it be? Think about some piece of advice that you now, knowing more and having experiences that you didn't have at half your current age, wish that you had known at half your current age, what would that be? The answer to that question—sometimes requiring a little bit of tweaking to turn it into a spiritual-religious goal—is always something that is related to a person's religious life.

Question:     What do you think a major problem is that adults face with regard to God?
Answer:    I have two answers. 1) Many adults pretend to have a better than a 4th grade understanding of religion, the Bible, and God—which they don't have. And 2) They think that having a relationship with God is somehow childish—which it isn't.

Question:     Can you explain a little about God-In-A-Box?
Answer:    After leaving mainstream organized religion, before I knew exactly what I was going to do, I decided that I would give a lecture entitled, "This Ain't the Stuff You Learned in Sunday School." I came up with the idea of parodying our consumer mentality by doing a fake commercial for a box guaranteed to contain God and I called it: "God-In-A-Box." I wrote on the outside of each, "If God is everywhere, God must be inside this box." The box became a kind of koan—it was both a joke and not a joke.

Question:     You were a magician?
Answer:    Yes. As I child I attended magic camp every summer, and then, when I was old enough, I became a counselor. I still go every summer to teach kids not only tricks, but to find that magic inside them so that, eventually, they will no longer feel the need to hide behind a pack of cards in order to shine?

Question:     You do your Sabbath observance on Tuesdays?
Answer:    I do part of my weekly time off for reflection on Tuesday nights when I do stained glass work. What I came to realize is that if there is a God or not, it is important that I take some time off. And, if there is a God or not, that the time off that I do is meaningful, is important. (If there is a God, I figure one more rote Hebrew prayer isn't going to ring God's chimes.) So, I create stained glass lamps and panels on Tuesday nights. (As another part of my weekly sabbathing, on Friday nights before dinner, I tell the people I am eating with what they each mean to me.)